Every year my husband, Dr. B, insists on throwing a big Christmas party. It's so strange because he doesn't really go to parties himself, and he doesn't do a lot of hanging out with his friends during the year. He might see most of them once or MAYBE twice a year if they're lucky. Other than that, he is a workaholic, and he plays video games. Why he gets all pissy when they don't want to come to ours is a mystery to me.
Dr. B's father used to have a big Christmas party every year. His father was bad at planning them, and so is Dr. B. His mother has told me numerous times about how much they fought over the stupid Christmas parties. The lack of planning means that I have to pick up the slack AND subtly steer my husband when I see him getting way off-course, which is hard when it's been dubbed *his* party that *he's* planning.
I suppose I could simply refuse to help - because that was our agreement...I study, he does the party. BUT I'm also not going to throw a shitty party just to prove a point to him. If I have friends and family coming, they're going to have a fucking good time...dammit.
But no matter how much he thinks he has planned, it never pans out and I have to rescue him.
Did I mention I'm supposed to be studying for the CPA too? And that, because I'm an accountant and we're rolling into year-end and breakneck speed, work is crazy right now? I did? Oh....
And then also....
I am *not* a social person when it comes to large numbers of people (we're talking 30+), I find it overwhelming. Attempting to entertain that many people makes me incredibly anxious, to the point that I'm waking in the middle of the night thinking about stupid casseroles and gingerbread houses and dog hair on the couches. I love my family and friends, and I love spending time with them...and for that reason I love Christmas. But this huge extravaganza - which, this year, included SINGING AND DANCING KIDS FROM A LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL? I mean, REALLY?
With my family, we have always had a small gathering on Christmas Eve and then spend Christmas Day together. And whatever we did, it was low-key, simple. I liked it that way. I still do - it fits me. My family exists in the same way it has for the past 30 years, and that is where I am lucky. Same people, same place. I know it won't be that way forever.
Dr. B's family? As you might have guessed, they were the opposite. Parties, entertainment, the whole nine yards. But his family doesn't exist as it used to - his mom lives a state away, his father is dead, his sister lives 10 hours away, and his brother is completely anti-social. And so, Dr. B insists on throwing a party every year. We've been through four Christmas's now as a married couple, and have thrown three of these parties. Last year we had to cancel because he got sick, and I was - DON'T JUDGE ME - relieved.
I don't know what the answer is here. I don't want to be the asshole that squashes my husband's attempt to recreate his own childhood, but at the same time, I feel I have the right to have a Christmas that I enjoy. And I want him to recognize that.
As I listen to him upstairs playing video games instead of cleaning up - it was pre-determined that he would do all that - I just don't think I can do another one.
I have told him this before, and I stand by it - I want to start our own tradition that we can both be happy with. The holidays are stressful enough. Between the year-end hell that IS being an accountant, and trying to get all the stupid gifts in on time, I'm good on stress THANKYOUVERY MUCH and MERRYCHRISTMAS.
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