Conflict and sickness

Most of the times when there is conflict, regardless of who is right or wrong, responsible people will examine the part they played in the conflict and own up to it, apologize for it. If that doesn't happen, personal growth doesn't happen. Most of the times, people are so busy doing their little victory dance or being pissed off that they don't realize they've fucked up somewhere in there as well. If there's one thing I've learned from therapy, it's that being self-aware and personally introspective is an incredibly important part of growing up.

Like flossing and wiping front to back.

Obviously this doesn't apply to random acts of violence. That shit has no rhyme or reason.


I've been sick as a dog for a couple of weeks. I had foot surgery in late December, which was incredibly painful and far more traumatic than I could have imagined. I had a bad reaction to the pain meds and went off of them two days after the surgery, which was torture. Unbelievable pain. There are a LOT of nerves in your foot. The doctor and I worked that out, but it was a very unpleasant process.

Then the co-worker in the office next to mine came in with an upper respiratory infection and coughed for two days straight, spreading her nasty-ass germs far and wide. I have a severe dislike for people who come into work sick. It's irresponsible and inconsiderate. Since my immune system was already pretty worn thin from the surgery and crazy year-end work hours, I managed to catch it, with a side of bronchitis and sinus infection as well. Just SICK.

I went into the office one day this week, thinking I was well enough to be there. Wednesday, I think. And then back home because I was absolutely NOT better. Worked from home the rest of the week.

I'm supposed to be sitting for the next section of the CPA next week, and I'm 99.9% sure I will not pass. Finishing the CPA has taken far long than I anticipated, and I'm beyond tired of studying all the time. I should have done this 5 years ago. It's been very hard to manage my social life with my marriage with my studying with my work with my exercise routine. ETC AND ETC.

I've been in a pretty bad funk. Yes, I have a good life and I know it could be worse, but I'm at a low point and it is what it is. I don't have much patience for people right now. I don't really want to be around anyone, but at the same time, I miss my people.

My incredible mother is bringing over some italian meatball soup and fresh-made cookies to cheer me up in a little while. I think my dad is coming with too. My mom is probably what most people wish their mom was like. She's been calling every-other-day or so to check on me. She's brought me a ton of home-made food. I love her to the moon and back, and of course my daddy-o as well. They are both amazing people. Couldn't have asked for better parents, really.

Next week M and I are going to get salsa fixings and make some of her famous home-made salsa. If my sinuses aren't cleared out by then, they will be by the time the day is over. Her salsa is AMAZING. She sells it periodically, making it in HUGE batches. I got a big jar once (free, because I'm awesome), and she called it Ginny-Pig Salsa. Love it.

At some point I had told her of my elementary school fear of having a substitute teacher mispronounce my name as Guinea instead of Ginny. And Guinea Pig = Pig = I am fat.

So of course she named the salsa Ginny-Pig Salsa. Only now I'm a grown-up and think it's genius.

I met her through a friend-of-a-friend about 6 years ago, and we clicked immediately. She's been one of my best buds since then. And she's so much fun to be around, I really need that right now. She's one of those friends that I can call up and count on to come running if I need her. She's been harrassing me to hang out the last few weeks - I haven't been exactly accessible with the surgery and studying and year-end craziness - but then I got sick and couldn't. So we made real-life plans to do salsa and sushi next weekend. I love a good low-key hang out session with one of my favorite people on the planet. It will help my funk immensely.


Okay, bitchfest over. I need to find a more light topic for next time.

Update: My parents showed up with soup (and crackers, just in case I didn't have any, which I didn't), cookies, and bread pudding. And then proceeded to help Dr. B take down Christmas decorations. Said funk just got a little less funky-ish.

Word to the Wise

Word to the wise is really a fake compliment you give someone before you tell them, "you're doing it wrong."

• Word to the wise, it goes in the other hole.
• Word to the wise, the douche nozzle is facing the wrong direction.
• Word to the wise, she has herpes and you're drunk. And that SHE is a HE.
• Word to the wise, spray some deoderant up in there yo.

Okay genius, this is your phone taking over....

• Word to the wise, that last one wasn't even funny.

Okay phone.....

• Word to the wise PHONE, if you don't stop it I'm dropping you in the toilet. AGAIN.

Okay STUPID....

• Well word to the wise, because now you have shit on your face.

The Video Game Addict

The video game addict, and reasons why video games suck:

·       My husband plays them way too much

·       I therefore don’t get laid nearly as often AS I SHOULD

·       I therefore have to masturbate way more than any married woman should have to

·       I therefore have carpal tunnel syndrome and have to tell people it’s just from typing too much – and ooooh, such is the life of an accountant

·       Also? It turns my husband into this cranky person I don’t feel like I know any more, and it’s sort of starting to piss me off. His therapist even told him to tone it down a notch.  It’s a backwards world when I’m the one wanting to get laid and he’s the irritable one who isn’t.

·       Did I mention I don’t get laid enough?

·       Gamers start calling their fellow gamers their friends. Even though they’ve never met in real life. And if they have it only happened once and was kinda awkward because no one is ever as cool in person as they are online. So if you haven’t heard, here’s how it goes. Twitter < Facebook < Texting < E-mail < Real Life. See how gaming doesn’t even fit into that equation? Even math thinks gaming is lame.

·       You don’t actually do anything productive. At all. I'm sure that developing children gain something from playing video games PERIODICALLY, but for a grown adult, it's sort of embarrassing. Everything about gaming really works against you as far as being a productive, functional member of society. And also against you being a productive, functional husband, parent, sibling, friend, ETC AND ETC.

·       You end up at the neurologists for constant headaches and then get a muscle relaxer prescription. Because you can’t fucking put down the controller and join the real world. Even when your loving (and AFFECTIONATE) wife points this out, and you refuse to admit that sitting in front of a computer all day and night could *possibly* be the cause of your headaches. DE-NIAL.

I write this to warn all you serious video game addicts that your addiction is very likely hurting the people you supposedly love. So really, I know it's harder than this - but - stop it, really, and grow the fuck up.  Go ride a bike. Volunteer. Knit a fucking sweater. Grow some shit in your backyard. Fix something around the house. Hire someone to fix something around the house and then watch and LEARN. Hang out with your REAL LIFE friends. Go to a movie. Buy a telescope and look at shit in the sky. Learn an instrument. Really, you have a lot of options. 

But for God’s sake, if you have someone who is patient enough to stick around and put up with the bullshit that IS being with a video game addict.....take them out and show them a good time REGULARLY. And fuck their bloody brains out REGULARLY.  But whatever you do, DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT VIDEO GAMES DURING SAID GOOD TIME. And especially, not during said nooky time. Because, REALLY?

Religion, church, and heathenism

Hi, I’m Violet Gin, and I’m a former Church of Christ member.

WHEW, I’ve been waiting a long time to say that, good to get it off the chesties. A confession if you will. Bet the church never thought that the all-important confession would rear its ugly head in the form of a member no longer want to be a part, did they?

Because let’s be honest. It’s not mostly not about God, it’s mostly about “they.”

As seems to be a going thing with me these days, I will refer to a conversation with a friend about religion, God, Church of Christ, and general heathenism.

Him:

And be proud you're a heathen..it could be worse. You could be restricting yourself from living for something that could be entirely made up by people thousands of years ago. You know thousands of years ago they were still struggling with wooden wheels, didn't have electricity, nor knew that germs existed. But they sure knew how to tell others how to live.

Me

(as per usual, with my novella answer):

Sometimes I think that future generations will look back on our religious beliefs in the same way that we look back on ancient peoples who used to offer human sacrifices. Lots of head scratches and WTFs going on in that mofo, FO SHO.

I mean, guilt for sex? For being attracted for someone of the same sex (even though, in nature, it exists outside of humans)? For independent thought, and questioning things that don’t make sense? And believing that dinosaurs were real?

It's not that I don't believe there's a God or an afterlife, I just don't believe in anything very solid these days. And I'm not alone - A LOT of people in my age group feel this way. My beliefs are fluid, and I like them that way. I believe that, sure, there could be a creator and it MIGHT JUST BE A WOMAN. Or god forbid (haha), a non gender specific being of some sort.  *GASP!*

Or we might just turn into stardust energy after we leave this strange and beautiful place and become part of the atmosphere.  I don't know, and I'm too busy living to worry about it anymore.  Religion leaves no room for us to be human, and given that, I can't commit.  I can't commit to torturing myself over every bad thought and thing I do, because I am an essentially good person and I KNOW THIS. 

And also because I like sex, sex jokes, cursing, and the way eating a banana is very much like sucking cock way too much.  Not necessarily in that order. Actually, probably in that order, really.

And religion - ESPECIALLY CHURCH OF CHRIST - teaches you to guilt yourself over everything.  EVERYTHING.  And I'm still working on getting that guilt out of my head, to this very day.

Nooo thank you.

Sure, I believe that there are certain things that are inherently wrong. Murder, rape, pillaging, all that jazz.  Yes, I still pray – but it a VERY different way than I used to. I think the more important part is to be nice and try to just fucking get along and not do too many fucked up things.  And also, that if you don't believe that, then it's OK and I shouldn’t judge, as long as you don't partake in any of the aforementioned "inherent wrongs."

Because that's one thing the church does a LOT - judge. People who might hear me say this will judge me for it automatically, because that's what they've been programmed to do, and I just can't ascribe to that.

Peace out.

Sperm Fluid

I'm giving up on studying for the tonight. I worked so many fucking hours this week that the thought of reading about Financial Forecasting makes me want to vomit and then stab someone in a non-fatal location.

So let's talk sperm fluid instead.

First, a visual for why sperm fluid is so important to many English speaking folk.

A valid question. But you won't find an answer here.

First, the answer to this question MUST be yes, because google defaulted to sperm fluid before I even had a chance to finish my sentence. And because for anything you swallow, there is probably someone out there who is allergic to it.

Except maybe water.

And I don't even remember what I was googling, but it certainly wasn't as awesome as sperm fluid.

Next. An old friend of mine is going through a break-up, so I scanned her a number of letters she sent me over our teenage years. So that she could see how far she has come. And also how much better her handwriting has gotten.

We met at church camp when we were 11 and have recently discovered that we're both raging hethens. We're already planning a "let's drink Shiner beer and compare hethen stories" date in the spring when she comes back to Texas for a visit.

As a grand finale to the letters, which each came in their own separate e-mail, I sent her the sperm fluid screen shot, because who won't enjoy THAT?  And here's how it went:

Her:
OMG. One of my good friends (I'm actually sitting on her couch right now), had a bf whose sperm was toxic to her. But it apparently left a burning red rash on her skin. But it was only his, not sperm in general.

I can't wait to sit down and read these (though I'm a little worried about how many "with the love of Christ" and "may god keep you" 's, etc there might be).

 

Me:

Like, when you go to the pharmacy and you're all "what do I take so that I can swallow my boyfriend's cum without breaking out into hives?" And they're all, "Um, benadryl." And you're all, "wow that shit works for everything!" And then an awkward silence ensues while you pay for said benadryl, and then scurry away and curse that you'll have to start going to a different pharmacy or wear a wig and dark glasses when you go back to that one.

 

THAT'S what I thought about after I saw this. And it's probably why so many people ask google instead of their pharmacist.

 

I wonder her boyfriend ate something that she was allergic to, maybe peanuts or bees? Eeenteresting.

 

In Christ,
Ginny

And even though no one reads my blog - which is fine because I haven't told anyone about it and it's mostly for my entertainment and/or bad memory - I'm beyond excited at the tags I'm going to be able to throw on this post.  Church camp, shiner beer, and sperm fluid together? Yes please.

 

Birthday

Today is my birthday. And I don't usually make a big deal about my birthday, except in my head, because really I'm the only person - besides my parents - who TRULY celebrates this day.  That, and my friend SS. I love that girl like peanut on butter.

SS 8:48 AM

(^)

HHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

BUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

DAY

TO

YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

VG 8:49 AM

awwww

thanks dollface

SS 8:49 AM

HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYY

BBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFF

VG 8:49 AM

oh...you weren't done yet....

SS 8:49 AM

DAY

TO

YOU

HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYY

BBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

RF

DAY

DEAR

GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

NNY

HHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPYYYYYYYYYYY

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRF

DAY TO YOU!!!!!

(G)

VG 8:50 AM

pppffftttthhhhbbbttttthhhh

^ that's me blowing out the candles

SS 8:51 AM

LOLOLOL

VG 8:51 AM

:D

SS 8:51 AM

YOU ARE SO FUNNY

I WOULD'VE LAUGHED OUT LOUD BUT THIS OFFICE IS SO QUIET EVERYONE WOULD'VE HEARD ME

i'm so glad you were born.  you make me so happy.

VG 8:52 AM

aw, if they don't like the sound of your laugh, then they probably also eat children for dinner ---> no souls

SS 8:52 AM

i love having you around, breathing and being.

VG 8:52 AM

wow. that's probably one of the best birthday sentiments i've received

thank you, friend

SS 8:52 AM

thank you.

guess what!?

say "what?"

VG 8:52 AM

um. you got me a stripper?

SS 8:52 AM

no

VG 8:52 AM

oh, i mean...

what?

SS 8:53 AM

its your birthday, but its not all about you.

this is about me!

guess what?

VG 8:53 AM

you're pregnant

SS 8:53 AM

omg

what do i have to do to get you to say 'what?"

guess what

VG 8:53 AM

i DID

WHAT?

SS 8:53 AM

okay now i am laughing out loud

and here they come

with the fire plan

VG 8:54 AM

muahahahahahahahaha <---evil laugh --->rubs hands together

SS 8:54 AM

guess what

VG 8:54 AM

WHAT IS IT WOMAN?

stop telling me to guess

VG 8:54 AM

i don't think you understand what that word means

SS 8:54 AM

i'm smooooooooooooth

SS 8:54 AM

my skin is so happy

do you like how i received a present from you on your birthday???

VG 8:54 AM

aw, i'm so glad it's making you happy

SS 8:54 AM

that's the kind of woman you are

lol

VG 8:54 AM

i know!  that makes me the most awesome person on the planet

SS 8:54 AM

dude

the awesomest!!!

VG 8:55 AM

well, doll, thanks for putting a smile on my face

SS 8:55 AM

i love you my friend

happy birthday

VG 8:55 AM

love you too (U)

oh god wrong one

(L)

much better

thank you

SS 8:55 AM

no, that's your heart breaking cause i'm not there!

ha!

VG 8:56 AM

oh, yes, that's exactly what i meant but i didn't want you to see MY PAIN

is it naptime yet?

SS 8:57 AM

i know dude

winter makes me sleepy

and fat

can you cut hair?

i need someone to cut my fake hair

lol

VG 8:57 AM

ME???

SS 8:57 AM

i'm asking all my friends

so far no takers

VG 8:57 AM

don't ask my two old barbies, that's for sure.  baldy and baldy II

SS 8:57 AM

ha

VG 8:58 AM

so yeah, not really. what about T? she gets fake hair all the time.

SS 8:58 AM

well i'm just gonna have to cut it myself

girl this fake hair thing is fantastic

i'm telling you

its awesome]

i love it

VG 8:58 AM

don't do that. YOU WILL REGRET IT. i did it once to my REAL hair and the next "professional" who cut it said, "god, whoever cut your hair last BUTCHERED it"

i was all, yeah, that b*tch!

SS 8:58 AM

i may cut it before i glue it in

VG 8:58 AM

but i was poor and in college and a girl's gotsta get laid

is it too long? what kind of cut are we talking?

so you're trying to avoid paying someone, amiright?

SS 8:59 AM

well, i would have to pay someone to put it in, then cut it

they won't just cut ie

it

VG 9:00 AM

*side note: aren't you worry about what glue on your head does to your brain?

SS 9:00 AM

that is the beauty of it

VG 9:00 AM

i mean, i love glue as much as the next person, but i would worry about seepage

SS 9:00 AM

there is a product that you put over your hair that dries like paper

its like a gel that dries and creates a barrier between your hair and the glue

its awesome

i guess more like a gel than like paper

there is two layers of product, then the gluw

glue

VG 9:02 AM

you're worrying me

so you have two layers of gunk and then glue over that?

SS 9:02 AM

pretty cool stuff!!!  if you can get past the whole imported indian hair thing

VG 9:02 AM

how is that better?

imported from india?

shave your head. STAT.

SS 9:02 AM

better than the formaldehyde in the relaxer!

VG 9:02 AM

THUMP

that's the sound of me passing out

SS 9:02 AM

girl being black is tough!

VG 9:03 AM

apparently being a white friend is too. i have a knot on my head now and i'm worried you'll get wet brain from all that glue and indian important gunk.

SS 9:03 AM

black women should get a stipend from the government just because of the crap we have to do to our hair

VG 9:03 AM

hahahahaha

that's funny

SS 9:03 AM

i wish the whole afro thing from the sixies had caught on more than it did

VG 9:03 AM

why don't you just fro it?

can you?

i've been informed that apparently not all black people can go a fro

SS 9:04 AM

my hair is kind of straight anyway, so it can't really fro

VG 9:04 AM

how am i supposed to know these things unless i'm told?

so you put relaxer on straight hair?

yeah, the glue has DEFINITELY sunk it

in

i would so fro it if i could

SS 9:04 AM

its not super straight like yours, but not afro like tawny

its in between

VG 9:05 AM

i'd be like, i need to tickets please, one for me, one for my fro

my fro would have it's own zip code

and i would let birds live in there

but no rodents, cause gross

i mean, baby birds, 24/7?  YES PLEASE!

SS 9:06 AM

i want to grow out the relaxer, so its either shave it or

VG 9:06 AM

glue head

i hear ya

i'm pumping my fist in solidarity for your non-relaxed hair

hahaha. this has been one of the best IM conversations in a long a$$ time. thanks! i need to work now. apparently. ugh.

SS 9:07 AM

i know

alot to absorb

in one im